My own opinion is about…my own opinion.
Is not about being right or wrong is just about voicing what I think.
I have been going through a lot recently, I won’t talk about it right now, but I will at some point. We all have up and downs, we all go through life and all the emotions that comes with being alive, positive, negative, very good and very bad, laughs and tears, calm and anger, all of it. Life is just as beautiful and amazing as it is painful and sad. What really makes it worth is how we live it, how we decide to get up every day. And I get it, sometimes the hardest thing to do is getting up from the bed. We have all been there. But the one thing I learnt is the time won’t stop and I don’t say it to follow it with everything passes, everything goes, you’ll be better, bla bla bla. I say just as a physical, natural event. Time WONT STOP. Either you get out of bed or you stay in bed those 9am will turn into 9pm and then 9am again and again and again. So what do you want to do?
Once again there is no right answer, I’ve spent days in bed and days rushing to get up early and try to get as much as possible squeezed into those 18h I was awake.
Before I got to this point though I lost myself in pre-concepts: In what I should be, what I should look and what I should say and I lost myself in all of it. I decided that I had to wear a certain “mask”. I don’t use this word randomly, one of my favourite book is “one, no-one and a hundred thousand’ by Luigi Pirandello. If you haven’t read it go and grab a copy straight away. Long story short, we all wear masks, we do with our families, our friends, our co-workers, we have all different masks to “please” the people in front of us in a way. We don’t even know who we are at times, is very rare that people have the one mask. Mostly nowadays when we are so subject to socials and what we should do, sing, post, eat, wear, where we should go, who with, what to buy. The scary and truthful part though is if you were to remove all the masks all of a sudden, no one will recognize you and would just think that you have gone insane. It takes time, courage and strength to try and remove those masks slowly and trying just to wear your own.
I got to the point where I felt the weight of all those masks on me. I didn’t know who I was anymore but just who I had to be for the person in front me, either my partner, my friend, my colleague etc. And the worst part is that I wasn’t what they wanted me to be either. I was just what I thought they wanted from me. I was unhappy, they were unhappy and I lost myself.
In my path and mission to re-discover myself I want to say out loud what I think, or better have it in black and white for now. Is my way of talking to myself, a diary of sort where I write what I have on my head as honest as I can, the way I want it, with the risk of sound crazy to some of the people that have known a different version of me.
My own opinion is an invite for anyone to develop their own idea and discuss, defend it, change it. I invite people to change my mind, or at least try. I do not own the key to the truth, but no one else does either.
And there is a lot I want to talk about.
Somewhere along the way, I think, we became scared of saying the wrong thing. We started questioning every word, every joke, every opinion before saying it out loud.
I know I did.
Why?
Well… more on that next time.